I could eat seafood all the time. I need to watch for that mercury stuff so I try to stick with salmon….key word is try.
So life of late is good. The chaos in the last year is slowing down as I’ve found a fantastic full time job (those work wonders). It gets us back to basics. Grounds us…focuses us to get dressed and move and find a way to complain. If your into complaining anyway (the nanoseconds after my alarm go off springs to mind).
I’ve had a serious desire to travel and now I get to allow myself to indulge in those fantasies. (For when that happens, I move fairly quickly after).
Xx and I have truly rekindled our long standing romance. Some people have second honeymoons I think were on honeymoon number 9 now. He has the desire to make changes this time around. This makes a world of difference. Last time no matter how hard I tried I could not get him to see….
Meanwhile I still hope my Master finds his spark again. That will only be rekindled as his life gets sorted for the better. Im pleased he’s striving but not so much he’s shut me out. I can’t even support him or cheer him on as he no longer interacts with me. Of course I do it anyway… By email or fb. Its so one sided but I intend to wait for him. How can I not? Im in love with him! I don’t give up. How I can be in love with two men baffles me. Yet completes me.
Ok this phrase irks me a tad. Rubs me the wrong way. Algebraic expressions are what they are life and humankind are not. We change. Evolve, morph and grow based on our passions, curiosities and weather surely. We’re a ripple effect. If you express yourself someone may be inspired by you. Imaging that….
You know… It’s so easy for me to get wrapped up in life. Now there may be perhaps once a day where I will check a mirror (usually getting dressed for work). My workplace space is so new there isn’t even a mirror in the bathroom. So to think about what I look like during my day (compared to my checking in with my master last year hourly I swear) in my mind I feel worn and older. Yet occasionally staring back at me I see more. Better and brighter and luminous me staring back. I’m not a vain person nor do I like much attention. If music is involved I cannot be held responsible as to my response to it. Only then can I let go and all else falls away. (If I seek attention its on my terms) yet another reason I need a Master in my life. To take all the stuff I take on OUT of my hands.
Sometimes I go non stop until I literally exhaust myself. Can stuff wait until tomorrow? Likely, however whats the point if you could do it now? Im not one to procrastinate ever. I have to watch …. how much I manage to do for others. Give others a chance to learn and grow. My small family especially. They thrive under my care and for this I feel needed.
Yet at what cost to me? So Ive been forcing myself to do things that stir my soul. Luckily the man I live with, my XX has been most helpful in seeing to it I do this. As I lift him up he’s learning (and Im allowing) for him to lift me. It makes a world of distance. That warm fuzzy feeling you get with being a family is back. I will bask in this love and gentle warmth. Finally breathing a sigh of contentment in allowing myself to be looked after and loved.
So walking about the zoo… Not only do I notice the animals around me (who were in mating mode I tell you) but the mammals around me as well. Our society is morphing, young adults turning into young parents. Large families, large people, large portions, large children. Lovers young and old among the chaos. What parent allows their child to feed koi fish cotton candy?!!! We are mankinds worst enemy. Were mutants. I hope we evolve faster, greater… with purpose. Less of us want more education. More of us want things. Everyone hungers for attention.