Get unstuck

Granny Anita, from next door just stopped by. (There’s a Granny Anita living next door??!) She asked me for help unsticking her parking brake. *throws on superman cape* As I unstick the brake I asked her name see and introduced myself. Then she went on to tell me if there’s any thing I EVER need, just don’t hesitate to ask. (I’m seriously thinking it would be easier to hoist her over my shoulder to get her from point a to point b safely). I’m not sure what she can do for me ….and survive. However it had me thinking…when the last time anyone actually said this to me. (I’m usually the one saying this to them, see). Or when the last time any of us have said this to anyone we know or don’t know. I think we need to do this more for each other, it was quite sweet!

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Get unstuck

Granny Anita, from next door just stopped by. (There’s a Granny Anita living next door??!) She asked me for help unsticking her parking brake. *throws on superman cape* As I unstick the brake I asked her name see and introduced myself. Then she went on to tell me if there’s any thing I EVER need, just don’t hesitate to ask. (I’m seriously thinking it would be easier to hoist her over my shoulder to get her from point a to point b safely). I’m not sure what she can do for me ….and survive. However it had me thinking…when the last time anyone actually said this to me. (I’m usually the one saying this to them, see). Or when the last time any of us have said this to anyone we know or don’t know. I think we need to do this more for each other, it was quite sweet!

There is beauty in suffering

Tonight, I attend my first (by invite only) BDSM Dark party.  A Dark party is quite intense, as to the play and scenes you will see or be apart of.  Really it’s for serious BDSM’ers. (YAY!!! that’s me!!!) The following may be encountered:

Blood Play (various types – cuttings, blood cupping, needles, blood flogging etc)
Heavy Bondage Scenes
Heavy Impact Scenes
Breath/Suffocation Play
Intense Fire Play
Emotionally Intense Scenes (which may be a trigger for some people)

I’m very excited to experience this event tonight.  I don’t like to get too worked up about events either, so I’m headed for a run and off for a dance class in a bit to clear my head.

So my last trip to the dungeon I was able to watch what’s called an “adrenaline button” being done in needle play. 
ow

The circular pattern of needles can be done on your chest or back, preferably.  There’s different gages of needles, therefore, sensation can be tweaked for more or less agony.  The first time I saw this, it was done as an aspiring young Master, who wanted to learn it on himself. (all the good Dominants practice any play they wish to do, on others, FIRST on themselves, at least briefly).  The dungeon Master teaching him, had extensive experience and was talking him through what to do.  Then demonstrating on his lovely slave/wife.  The thing that I found most interesting about this young Dominant, aspiring to become a Master, was that he had a fear of needles. 

We chatted as we watched the dungeon Master and his slave slowly demonstrate.  Then I watched the young Dominant hesitantly gear up to put needles through his own chest.  It’s incredibly difficult to inflict pain on yourself.  Trust me, I’ve tried and sometimes succeeded.  To…watch him work through, not only, self inflicting pain, and then processing it.  To adding even more pain, considering it was a hard limit for him, he did tremendously well.  The tumult of emotions on his face, was a complete wonder for me, to see.  My breathing increased, my hands got sweaty, my heart went out to his and admiration followed suit.  So when the pattern is complete, you push in the very middle of the circle where the needles join.  THERE is your rush of adrenaline.  The dungeon Master pushed on his button.  To see that look on someone’s face as their eyes momentarily roll up into their head, had me incredibly affected.  It’s incredible what we can accomplish when we are determined.

The dungeon Master continued his play then with his slave/wife.  I watched her trying to top from the bottom as her lower lip quivered.  The dominant, paid her no mind, I mean he knew her limits and knew where she wanted to utimately go so he increased the amounts of needles and the very gages to be quite large.  I sat there panting and breathless watching their exchange.  [On a side note: I realized it was his very actions that many men NEED to do in their relationships, with most women.  Basically keep plowing through their defense’s until the woman, within, can be ultimately reached.] 

Getting back to the agony, I saw the complete glazed look on the slaves face of blissful suffering, the fear of what’s to come, her trying to process what’s happening, watching her try to push through and focus.  By the time the dungeon Master pushed the button above her naked breast I nearly came myself just standing there.  Three very deep breaths for me, as I slowly walked away. 

To watch the very beauty of suffering take shape right before my eyes was a complete treasure.  Do I want this sort of thing done to me?  Ha, only with my Dominant(s).  I fucking love this lifestyle. 

 

“Take it away, boys”

“Everything we do in life is based on fear, especially love.“~Mel Brooks

There’s a difference, you know, from boy’s to men.  Not REAL boys, I mean any boy under age 41.  They’ve more to offer, they push my buttons intellectually.  The rest, well, they just know things.  Secret things…about women, dominant women, especially.  They care enough to dare.  Who does that?

So…my Masters back into my life.
Here Iam in the strangest place…a place of serious self mastery.  Reading all the time into the wee hours of morning when I’m not actually working or doing or being.  I actually had no idea I could be this insanely connected with “life, whatever constitues as normal, femininity, strength” yet… thriving.

Actually if anything I’m completely nervous about love.  In terms of my Master coming back I think It’s as if someone dies and comes back to life.  I’ve never, ever, ever had that.  So I’m trying to understand…and wrap my head around it. I think the key point here is…not to.  I think I’m still a bit skeptical!

Does this actually happen?? 
I’m so very self involved just now I make special efforts daily to destroy my ego.  (It’s how I cope). I’m not selfish by any means, no.  What does this mean?

Love, for me is a hard limit.  THIS I know.  What does one do when something is a hard limit?  Give yourself more exposure.  The only way to destroy a limit is to tackle it.  Throw yourself into it and roll around in it.  Love more…if you will.  I despise heights.  Naturally, I do things that make me want to completely hurl with the insanity of it all.  (The objective is to close off and calm your mind and not actually be ill).  I’m not looking forward to this.  You cannot help who you choose to hurt and suffer for. 

I…think I’ll be ok.  So if anything I’m sort of, helping him regain his sense of self.  His life has been knocked off course, with life and loss.  If anything I will most certainly help him along. 

Who…doesn’t wish to see another human being thrive?  I focus on the little things daily.

So I’ve been in love with two men I need them both in my life. This suits me perfectly. Wait!!! Can I get an oxygen mask first??

Weight of the world

I was suspended in rope the other day,
I found it to be quite okay.
I enjoyed being upside down,
Oh God no, not spinning around.
The rope biting tightly into my skin,
The “what the hell” kind of predicament I was in.
The marks that were made,
The bruises that will fade.
The freedom of weightlessness
yet fully bound,
The pain alone, had me found.
I was home.
When can I do this again?