The psychology of the D/s-/M/s headspace astounds me. Especailly it’s impact on MY brain! Why did I go down this sub path again???
So I’ve been in “Dom” mode for a bit (a bit could mean months and I care not to discuss how long however I’m AWARE of this!). Actually, I’m a Dominant in my daily life all the time and I suppose what I’m trying to say is I haven’t hit subspace in a bit or gotten into a head space where I need to tap into my subbytart role. Stuff builds up I notice…and I can’t let it go alone. (I find this is why I crave to let go and what transpires when I do may result in; shaking, shuddering and crying and release basically and I’m NOT talking about orgasms). I empty out everything. Sure I could go take another hot yoga class…but that…is not what I really crave. I’m a bit of a masochist so I crave…something entirely different.
I need to slink into sub mode for starters. Which really is very much a mental exercise for me. Bdsm IS 75% mental afterall. This is NOT an easy switch for me to do (aka why I’m not a switch). This begins…by my putting my sub self on my to do list. *Don’t forget* think like a sub today! I generally get into sub mode for a Bdsm event or accidentally by something my Dominant or Master suggests. Naturally I fight that off but the seed has been planted by then. I cannot …deny a direct order or direct statement. Which is fucking annoying! Oddest thing I’ll notice that too when my Dominant tends to give me a casual command/order (aka something he needs done) and I find I’ve done it. Just off the cuff, FUCK! That slipped right by me! My that was effective…I need this sub side to tap into see so I can teach objectively. Without being slanted to one side. (yin and yang okay) My job when I teach is NOT to recruit people. It’s merely to let them know about our lifestyle it’s their choice if they wish to pursue it further (and if my passion for it happens to eeek out while I’m teaching that isn’t my fault…that’s my subby tart side saying “it’s okay to play, if you play with someone you trust they will keep you safe” – You can come out now!)
So when I began my journey well over two decades ago, I was arguing with a man who, eventualy, won my heart. So…in the initial stages of “Do I get involved” stuff was tricky. Lots of negotiations really based on do I don’t I take things further. (basically he was trying to get me to go out with him on a more permanent basis). I simply argued “I just don’t wanna be tied down” (never go down without a good fight, I say. Hell I analyse everything so be prepared to have a very good debate when dealing with me making any decision based on any romantic involvement you dare to try to have with me.) This was before I knew I was into Bdsm, I just felt any involvement with anyone was going to distract me. Anyway his immediate response was “I’m not into bondage.”
Right. Well…okay if you say so.
Fast forward twenty something years…. with this same man
Model: Trillium, Rigger: Knotknormal, Photographer: Tsmobscura (hey…that’s ME!)
Rope by: knotknormal.com – shibari rope shop
This may give you insight into my soul (or give me insight into …my stubborn nature) With time anything is possible, but ONLY if you’re persistent enough.