DOMINANT

How did I know I was a Domme? Funny thing happened on the commute home from work one day…(23 years ago about this time of year, actually).  I heard this song on the radio… NIN, Closer.

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Now do know I don’t go around obsessing on memories or thoughts or all that.  (Some of us are far too busy for that sort of stuff).  The thing as you get older is that no one prepares you for flash thoughts or instant memories you completely forgot were there.  This is often triggered by a smell or a sound…or a sight..   So…as I was driving today, and this song just flew onto the radio.  (which I’ve forgotten was in my play list for working out for a few years).  *turns it to eleven* What it did was transport me.  I forgot the heat, I forgot the year, I didn’t feel the sweat on my skin, I forgot my problems, I forgot my goals, and I just ….became the music.  I’m certain you may relate.

So at that particular time I was in full withdrawl from my recent…er…incident with rope when I was 21 (without a safe word that left me a bit…frozen in time, for about 16 years).  No no no!  NOT from sex.  From submitting 🙂  So what did I do about it?  I dove into the BDSM world through books.  Beyond Masters and Johnson and that joy and new of sex books. Exploring…Sexual Deviance, Deviant Behavior, the story of O, The Sleeping Beauty Trilogies (to name a few).  This helped me cope while my mother (whom was battling the mother of all battles…her very mind and, eventually, lost this battle within a few months).

Anyway to stay on topic…I was also venturing downtown Chicago to the “house of whacks” a fetish/latex shop and expressing an interest in dripping candle wax on my husband.  I just took over everything!  Especially things in the bedroom.  Blindfolds, saran wrap…handcuffs…rope…and I wanted to do more. More harm.   I wanted to inflict pain and prolong his pleasure (for not just hours on end ….but days). Nevermind my wardrobe became a bit darker in color.  I took over everything in my life.  That particular year I asked for 3 raises and got them.  I stopped taking shit.  I gave orders and I ruled my kingdom.  I was unable to feel humiliated when there was a mix up at the video store and the clerks forgot to give me my gay/bdsm porn that I’d just rented.  (at the time my husband traveled extensively).  I owned up to the fact that I enjoyed watching people…and that I was very much into self pleasure. I also got my first belly button piercing 😀

Dominatrix is a strong word…Tho I don’t recommend becoming an executrix of your grandfathers will by age 27, I do recommend exploring your inherent nature.  I didn’t know I was an alpha female..not until I was in my 30’s.  whoops…

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Tied up Tid-bits

So I’ve been doing a bit of homework, really since July, 2014.  I’ve made it my personal mission to overcome sub drop and I’ve found that increasing my physical fitness level, dramatically, that I’m able to athletically endure and manage to skip this annoying part of having submitted entirely! (basically by amping up my physical fitness level and changing my eating habits to a natural raw food lifestyle, increasing protein and nutritional supplementation this was, indeed possible!)**By dramatically, I mean I’m now spending a lot of time running, doing yoga, taking dance classes in addition to strength training an hour at the gym.  Which has lead to a new and exciting passionate career path for me!

I found the drop, for me, is just NOT me.  I don’t like it at all, even if I’m “down in it” so to speak, for a few days.  I’ve come very far from overcoming tremendous odds, life hurdles and depression that I don’t wish to revisit much of that in any way.  I was quite scared I’d stay there, you see.  I mean, I had no idea how long it would go on as such things go and for me I was lucky it was only two long…long (fucking long) days.  For some it’s an entire week!  (I’d never make it) SO! If I can help anything I can help myself, so I did.

The sub drop aspect of submitting and playing hard annoyed me so very much this past May, that I actually considered the fact that I may not even wish to further explore being an s~type.  As a Domme long ago, I did indeed, find it was draining on me.  So much so I took a 2-3 year break from the lifestyle to revamp and explore entirely as a sub.   I’m such a better person as a submissive.

Anyway, what do I do when I’m annoyed?  I delve in and attack.  With gusto and enthusiasm.  I learn all I can about my problem.  Then I make small adjustments every day to get to where I need to be in dealing with it.  In this process I manage to overshoot my problem entirely and end up far past my goal and/or issue in the first place.  No idea if this is common but this is something that seems to be how I just do stuff.

SO!  Here I am in November, 2014 continuing my education and ever building my foundation in delving into the fantastic world of kinbaku and submission and release!  In rope (and more kinky fuckery to infinity and beyond).

I was gifted a book by my fella, KK at Kanso and True Blue’s rope intensive workshop They were selling some wonderful accoutrements in regards to their passion in teaching and ever learning of rope.  “The little guide to getting tied up.”  Here is the link and I highly recommend it!
http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/23114877-the-little-guide-to-getting-tied-up
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So here is an excerpt I found to be most useful in hanging out for far longer in a rope suspension.  I don’t wish for my rope top to go through all this “fancy tying” trouble, after all.  I want to experience everything for as l o n g as I possibly can, so that we can play smarter and harder and far longer in a great deal of ways! (Naturally this permeates into other areas of BDSM that I love exploring as well as a submissive/slave).

ENJOY!  Happy learning and growing from bottom to top or top to bottom!!!!

Kinbaku suspension cherry POPPED!

menh

Rope intensive weekend, at the local dungeon with my rigger, Knot Knormal. An incredible class taught by Kanso and Blue.  Let’s face it without pain I could not possibly be interested in rope!  I’m excited about this foundation I’ve experienced, something to always build onto and the exploration to come!  Not bad for a rope phobic…6 months ago I would not be able to have done this without hyperventilating (or hitting subspace within 15 minutes).  Let’s hear it for facing our fears!
http://www.bondage-erotique.com/

BAM!

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Just like that she figures it all out.  Stop chasing things and start doing things you love!  Amazing things will happen, trust me it’s nuts but it’s true.

So I’ve been busy!  Additionally our business is nominated 😀  (feel free to vote for us! We’ve only been at this for a year!) http://www.bondageawards.com/nominate/bondage-gear

Sunbathing, jogging, working and playing, lather, rinse, repeat.  I had the most delightful and incredible time last weekend at the Museum of Art.  I was so rocked and humbled, actually the experience brought tears to my eyes.  I wasn’t anticipating this.  I was really thinking, ok paintings of old, and new on a wall.  Baroque to contemporary art, surely!  Only there was far more!  Egyptian hieroglyphics, mummies, Roman ruin artifact’s, European artifact’s.  Asian artifact’s, Aztec artifact’s, oh and there was baroque and contemporary art too!  I literally hummed with the energy of it all pulsating through my veins, how we’ve all evolved is quite astounding.

I met Marcus Aurelius.  Which was profound.  I don’t quite understand this significance but Marcus came to me in a vivid dream over a year ago, that left me specifically with his name.   I didn’t even know his name, did he exist some place? So I googled it.  I find his tale a bit interesting if not fascinating, naturally I’m reading up on it as time permits.  Sometimes I’m up late into the night reading all sorts of things.  (there may be sextra curricular activities involved before or after or again).
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Marcus and me.  I’m not sure what happened to his man part.  I didn’t borrow it or anything for scientific research, this I know.

I’ve also been practising self love and self care.  Which for my entire life I thought it was completely self centered being so self absorbed.  I wanted to share some ideas and tips for all to indulge.  Because WHEN you choose love, you see it everywhere, you feel it from the inside out and you radiate it to those around you.

Don’t we all deserve a little kindness? Yes, we do!  Ways to be kind to yourself:

Adjust your expectations-I enjoy life more when I am mindful of what I do, not what I get. One leads to happiness and the other, more often than not, leads to frustration. I control what I do, I don’t control what happens next.  I choose to expect nothing and then I will never be disappointed.
Set daily goals-I get in trouble every time I fail to set boundaries. Without time management and personal goals I am stressed out, burned out, and unhappy- that’s no way to live!
Get a good night’s sleep-I don’t know about you but I barely function without a good night’s sleep. When times are tough I need sleep more than ever!
Listen to music-I choose music to suit my mood-techno, mellow, happy, rock, relaxing, energetic, metal- whatever I’m feeling I have a favorite track that imbues good feelings.
Be HappyI don’t need everything to go my way to be happy, all I need is to celebrate whatever happiness exists in this moment. I can cultivate habits of happiness that carry through to difficult days.Happiness is always there, whenever I choose to embrace it.
Be silly-A little silliness is the best medicine when I’m taking life too seriously. I might make run around in circles, wave my arms, do a funny dance. I can be spontaneous, be ridiculous, and just plain silly!
Exercise-I hold my stress in my body. My neck is stiff and my shoulders tense. Moving my body regularly breaks up the tension and provides and outlet for my stress and frustrations.  GO OUTSIDE.  You can ride my bicycle, take a walk, or jog, and dance along to a favorite tune. Exercise doesn’t have to mean going to the gym-just moving your body!
Know yourself-A little self-reflection goes a long way. Before I can decide what I want, what I need, or what needs to be done I must first know myself. Even just a few minutes of thoughtful mediation or journaling can give me insight into myself.
Read-I love to read!  I need to take that time and make it!  Curling up with a good book is a wonderful reprieve from the stress of the day. Reading a favorite blog can motivate and inspire me. Not a bad way to spend a few minutes of my day.
Ask for what you need-I’m not a mind reader and I have to assume no else in my life is, either. Whatever I need, I have to ask for it.
Write-It doesn’t really matter what I write, only that I get my thoughts down on paper instead of keeping them churning about in my mind.
Stretch-Every day I stretch my smile, stretch my body, stretch my heart, and stretch my mind.
Get inspired-I try to get a little inspiration every day.  I inspire myself by reading something inspiring, collecting inspiring quotes or getting “out there” and be inspiring.
Say no-Kindness is saying no when I want to, when I need to, and when I mean it.
Laugh-Laughter is life’s best medicine for whatever ails me.
Eat good healthy natural food-When I eat well, I feel well. I try not to eat anything with a label on it.  How I eat is considered Paleo Vegan?! (whatever)  So from the inside out eating good food is being kind to my body!
Be gentle with yourself-I can be quite hard on myself but, really, that gets me nowhere. On the other hand I make more progress when I am gentle and caring with myself. This is difficult for me but I try every day.
Express yourself-Failing to express myself will undoubtedly cause me frustration and pain. It’s important that I’m honest about what I’m thinking and feeling. I don’t necessarily have to take action- just acknowledging and expressing myself is enough. I don’t even have to tell someone else what I’m thinking and feeling- I can write it down and put it away until later.
Respect yourself-I used to put other people’s opinions, needs, and expectations before my own and that way of living was quite unkind. I have to believe in myself and trust myself to live a happy life. I have to respect myself so I can be someone I’m proud of, someone I admire.
Take a nap-I like my sleep, and some days being well-rested takes more than a good night’s sleep. Some days a power nap is in order to get me through the day. When I power nap I wake up refreshed and clear-headed.
Try again tomorrow-Some days are difficult and it’s all I can do to somehow muddle through- that’s okay, I can try again tomorrow.